Advent Day 9
Matthew 1:18-19 ESV
Exodus 20:14 ESV
Deuteronomy 24:1 ESV
John 8:2-11 ESV
It’s somewhat difficult for us to understand Joseph’s response when he found out Mary was with child before they were married.
Yet we read in Matthew 1:18-19, “Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly.”
The custom of the day when a woman became pregnant during the betrothal period has been the topic of discussion for years. Pre-Seminary I was previously led to believe that Mary’s pregnancy before the wedding took place would have brought great shame on the future bride and that’s why Joseph sought to quietly put Mary away. That action would have resulted in Mary’s chances to wed…ever.
Recently I read more about what would happen in 1st Century if the woman betrothed became pregnant.
According to what I read, it is true that the pregnancy was a problem for both parties and the future husband did have the right to end the betrothal (engagement) if the wife became pregnant. In some instances at that time the couple could and did consummate the relationship prior to the actual wedding ceremony. That was not a problem at that time.
The problem was that Joseph knew they had not consummated the relationship.
Joseph knew he was not the father of the child.
Mary also knew Joseph was not the father of the child she carried.
That was the problem (https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/decemberweb-only/real-problem-with-marys-baby-bump.html).
So even though Joseph loved Mary he didn’t see any way around the fact that Mary had committed adultery. The decision Joseph made would have brought him great pain and anguish.
His decision to end their relationship and not take Mary as his wife would have meant he could not marry the woman he came to love and he would have to find another woman (probably a younger woman who was not yet betrothed) to marry.
It would also have meant that throughout the course of his life whenever he saw Mary and her illegitimate child he would remember his love for her and her adultery. Joseph’s decision to not marry the woman he loved would have had a lasting impact on his future.
Still, Joseph was a Godly Hebrew man. Mary had broken the commandment found in Exodus 20:14, “You shall not commit adultery.”
Even in modern times, adultery is messy business.
Today the Godly person who committed adultery has to face the truth of their actions. Even if they do not publicly admit their sin it will always be before them and God. Then even if the believer owns their sin and confesses it before God and their partner they will forever remember their decision to be unfaithful. If the couple decides to work through it, that will most likely mean they will seek help from a counselor or Spiritual Advisor. Reconciling adultery in a marriage is very difficult when trust is gone.
Even though it’s difficult, it’s not impossible if the couple seeks help and does the hard work of forgiving and learning to trust again.
In the 1st Century there were no marriage counselors. We learn from Deuteronomy 24:1 a scenario that gives the husband (or presumably the betrothed) a path forward. “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house.”
That’s basically what Joseph decided to do. According to the passage of scripture in Matthew 1 we just read we know that Joseph was a just man and he didn’t want Mary to suffer the possible consequences of adultery.
It’s no shock that in the first century men had rights a woman didn’t have. If a man was married or betrothed adultery was not a crime. No questions were asked. No one thought anything about it. Once promised or betrothed the woman became his possession.
Even though scripture stated they were not to commit adultery, the practice was primarily only upheld if a woman was not faithful (https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/adultery-2).
We know from the scripture found in John 8:2-11, “Early in the morning he (Jesus) came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”
A woman who was caught in adultery was often stoned to death.
Nothing is said about what happened if a man was caught in adultery. That’s because most of the time nothing happened.
In this case, Joseph wanted to handle it so the matter would not make a public display. He was thinking of Mary. Clearly he loved her and he did not want her to be stoned to death or even shamed.
If you have been betrayed and you have been in Joseph’s shoes (or sandals) you may have some idea about how he felt. In that moment, it was the most difficult decision of his life. He was hurt, he felt betrayed, and honestly he didn’t know how he could face all of life’s tomorrows. Joseph didn’t even know if he would be able to protect Mary…he only knew he had to try.
Spiritual Practice: Betrayal
Think of a time when you have been betrayed. That will give you some idea about how Joseph felt.
In God, Deborah
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