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  • Writer's pictureDeborah

Loves Loss

Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV

Psalm 34:18 ESV

Revelation 21:4 ESV 

Revelation 22:21 ESV

When I was 28 years old I was expecting my fourth child. As had been the case before, each time I was expecting I had a dream and I saw the child in the dream. 

The dream I had this time was a little different. The baby was a girl and her name was Angela. In the dream she was so lovely. She was old enough to ride a bicycle. She had lovely blonde hair that waved with the breeze and sparkled in the sunlight. 

Then one day early on, I started having problems. The doctor sent me to the hospital and I was admitted. On the afternoon of the third day my doctor visited and the bleeding had stopped. He thought I might be able to go home the next morning. 

After the doctor left I felt strangely uncomfortable. I mentioned it to the nurse but I didn’t think a lot about it. I was cramping some and at 5 p.m. I got up to go to the restroom. 

I miscarried the child. 

I was discharged the next day. 

I was confused after the miscarriage and I wondered what the dream meant. 

I asked the doctor if I could have another child. The doctor told me he believed I needed to rest and take time before I became pregnant again. 

I did take his advise and allow my body to rest and recover. 

A few years later I became pregnant a fifth time. I had a fine strong baby boy. 

Through the years I’ve wondered about the dream and and the young girl riding a bicycle. 

When I miscarried God sent me Isaiah 55:8-9 one morning. It says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declared the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

I believe God was giving me the answer I sought. God’s thoughts are not my thoughts and God’s ways are not my ways. 

I came to believe that I will see Angela again in heaven. Not only that, I believe I will spend eternity with God and she will be there. 

I came to believe that for every woman and man who lost a baby, even early in the pregnancy, they will be with that child in heaven. It does not matter how the loss happened. I believe the child is in heaven.

I’ve known women who have lost multiple children the same way I lost her. I believe they will spend eternity with their child. Some women will have many many children in heaven that they will be reunited with someday.

Both men and women who suffered terribly each time they lost a child will spent eternity with their children. 

My thoughts are not your thoughts. 

My ways are not your ways. 

I believe those couples that suffered losses will see each child again. 

Several years later one of my children lost a child. Their loss happened more than four months into the pregnancy. They knew they had a baby girl. That was their second child. They had a boy some years older.

A while after they lost their baby girl they found out they were expecting again. This time they had a baby boy. He is funny and feisty…much like his dad.

I believe I will see my granddaughter in heaven. I will be with her through eternity. 

My thoughts are not your thoughts.

My ways are not your ways. 

You might wonder what my criteria is (my formula) for a fetus that will go to heaven. The short answer is that I don’t pretend to know. I don’t know at what point a fetus will go to heaven. 

I don’t think I need to know. 

If I need to know I figure God would tell me. 

My thoughts are not your thoughts.

My ways are not your ways. 

For those who have lost a child or children I believe God has a great blessing in heaven waiting for them (and for us). 

I would like to think the instant you see your child, you will immediately know it was the child you lost. 

Psalm 34:18 tells us, “The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

In the end, Revelation 21:4 reveals, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

God will wipe away every tear and you will not mourn or be in pain. 

“The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen” And so it shall be (Revelation 22:21).

Spiritual Practice: Loves Loss

If you have not mourned your loss or losses, give it to God and know a new day will dawn.

In God, Deborah


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