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  • Writer's pictureDeborah

UNBelief; The Struggle

Romans 8:28 NKJV

Matthew 16:15-18 NKJV

UN Series

I struggle with unbelief.

Even though I know that God has a purpose in all things, I still struggle when something happens that hurts me.

I struggle to understand why.

When I was 28 years old I had a dream that I had another girl. She was light headed and was full of laughter. In the dream she was a free-spirit. Her name was Angela.

That was the fourth dream I’d had that told me I was expecting a child. I had a dream in early 1976 that I had a girl and her name was Sandi. She was born in October of that year.

I had a dream in late 1977 that I had a red-headed boy and his name was Joey. He was born the next June. He was red-headed.

I had a dream in 1979 that a had another boy who had dark hair and he was very active. In the dream his name was Benny. He was born in November of that same year.

Then I had the dream about the girl named Angela.

A little over two months into the pregnancy I started having complications and my doctor sent me to the hospital so I could rest. After being in hospital for three days the symptoms subsided and I thought I was out of danger. Late that afternoon I miscarried the baby.

I was crushed and confused.

I couldn’t believe it had happened.

I had the dream but I lost the baby.

Romans 8:28 tells us, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

I struggled for months and even years to understand why I lost the baby. Eventually I did get pregnant again and I was certain it would be another girl.

It was a boy.

When he was born I knew God wanted me to have this child in my life.

I believe Angela is in heaven. I believe in time I will meet her.

My youngest son has been and is a blessing in my life. He is kind-hearted and caring. He is my only child who is an extreme extrovert. He loves people. In many ways, he is our “glue”.

I still don’t understand everything but as I get older I rely on God more.

I care less about the details and I accept that there are things I don’t understand. I accept it knowing that God does understand. God did have a purpose for the dream about Angela. God does know what He is doing.

God IS capable of bringing good to us from even the smallest unfortunate event.

I believe when we have turned to God, our God is a God who is involved in the details of our lives. While we may not always see what God is doing, God is at work every second of every day. God does not forget us…ever. Even when something bad happens, God will bring good from it.

I believe when Jesus, fully God and Son was on the cross his closest followers were hurt and confused. John was the only disciple present at the crucifixion. Jesus told John to take care of Mary, His mother.

The other disciples scattered. They hid. Peter denied Him three times. It’s interesting that the man who denied knowing Jesus three times was the same man God chose to be the ‘Rock’ upon which God built the church. In Matthew 16:18, Jesus said, “I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.”

Just before Jesus made that statement, He asked the disciples a question and Peter was the one who answered in Matthew 16:15-17, “He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?”

Simon Peter answered and said, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

Jesus answered and said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.”

God chose Peter despite his short-comings. Jesus-God chose Peter because he believed.

That gives me hope.

Even though I do not understand everything that has happened to me…I don’t understand the pain and sorrow, as I continue to turn to God, I believe He IS God.

I don’t need to understand everything.

I only need to believe Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God.

The rest…the details are up to God.

Selah. Then I receive God’s peace.

Today’s Spiritual Practice is: Give God the Details

More than likely, you have things that have brought pain and sorrow to your life as well. Turn to God and give UP the details. Let go so God can give you peace.

In God, Deborah


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