I Exist

Bible Study

Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV

I’ve been told by teachers and even professors that I am a strange sort because I have always written about very unconventional (and sometimes silly) things.

As a freshman in college I took a Composition class because there was an opening. I did not know enough to check out the professor or the reputation of the class.

Others who found out I enrolled for that class laughed but no one would tell me why. I thought maybe the professor had two heads.

The first day in class when I walked in there was an assignment on the blackboard. We had one hour to write a paper in class. The subject of the composition was a paragraph long. When I read the entire paragraph I laughed. It didn’t make a lot of sense but the word existential was used three times.

I wrote about the quandary of existentialism.

I got an A. My friends were astonished and they asked what I wrote about…the content of the paper was about not being afraid to exist.

I did not mention God or scripture, but because I had been in church all my life I knew we exist because of God and God exists in me. I did not directly write about that.

Deuteronomy 31:8 tells us, “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

So, for the paper I wrote about not being afraid to exist. Basically it was laugh, love and be who you are every day but I always went back to existentialism. Once again I did not declare that my love choice was found by existing on God or a higher power.

I stayed neutral.

After the papers were returned my roommate asked me about my grade and while I tried to downplay it, she eventually asked me if I got an A.

I couldn’t lie.

She got a B- and she was a great student so she was upset.

After some time had passed I wondered why I got an A. I didn’t hear that anyone else had received an A. Several good students had received a low C or a D.

The only thing I could think I might have done differently was that I prayed and asked God to help me. For every paper I wrote I’d prayed. It was just something I did.

I did get either an A or an A- in the class. I remember being satisfied with my grade.

Years later when I write I still pray and wait for the Spirit to move me. I ask God what to write about and I wait.

Because of the asking and waiting writing any paper or report has become a spiritual exercise in listening and watching for the movement of the Spirit.

I see it as doing what God would have me do…even when it comes to writing about an impossible topic like existentialism.

Deborah

acrazyjourney.com