Series: Love
I John 4:19 ESV
I John 4:17-21 MSG
Trust Love
Some people are really hard to love.
I have to admit even though I try to be kind to everyone (kindness is important to me) sometimes it’s difficult.
There ARE people in this world who make loving them really challenging.
But here’s the thing I’ve learned.
Most (if not all) of the people who are not loving didn’t get to that place in their life all on their own. Most of the time I’ve found that people who don’t or can’t receive or give love have either not been loved or someone in their life has abused them.
Understand it may not have been a family member who abused them.
It could have been someone they grew up with in their neighborhood, someone from school, or even someone from church who hurt them so deeply that they made a decision they would put up walls of protection that no one could penetrate.
Especially if they were young those walls are really strong and solid.
There are people I’ve known who were hurt so badly they trust no one.
The pain is deeply embedded into their memory banks.
It can be so deep that they don’t remember much about the event and what they do remember has been skewed.
Sometimes counseling can take a lifetime before they feel safe enough to trust again.
That’s the reality of this world we live it.
I don’t know the statistics (and they don’t really matter) but we need to understand that every time we meet someone new who is controlling and unkind there can be another story behind what we see.
As a matter of fact, when I meet someone who is controlling and unkind I realize someone somewhere could have abused them in their life. For certain…they were not loved and carefully cared for as a child. Someone for some reason taught them no one can be trusted.
In all my years and from all the college and graduate school psychology books I’ve read, I’ve come to believe that unless someone seeks and desires treatment daily they will continue to struggle to trust.
Breaking down those walls could take a miracle.
However, penetrating their pain and healing can be done by God/Jesus.
But here’s the catch…while we can pray for them to have the desire to trust God, they have to be the one to make the decision to trust God.
There is a simple reason for that.
God will not force anyone to accept help or healing.
God’s love for them forbids it.
God loves everyone but not everyone returns God’s love.
I John 4:19 tells us, “We love because he first loved us.”
We have to let go of our stubborn pain in order to receive God’s love in order to really love others. We are simply not God.
I John 4:17-21 from the message is blunt, “God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first. If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both.”
Love God first then God will help us to love others. We can ask God to help us love specific people. We can ask God to help us understand why a specific person is mean and hateful. We can ask for help with anything we encounter, but we cannot always do it on our own.
In the end, it comes down to loving and trusting God, listening to God, and being mindful that not everyone has been loved.
Spiritual Practice: Trust God and Listen
The next time you meet someone who is filled with hate, pray for them and listen to God.
In God, Deborah
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