Blessings of Love

Count Blessings

Psalm 107:1 ESV

Psalm 107:43 ESV

Matthew 19:26 ESV

When I was younger I didn’t think a lot about love or who loved me. As a result, I wasn’t grateful for love. I really think that was because I didn’t know what it was like to NOT be loved.

My parents loved me. My grandparents loved me. My Sunday School teacher loved me. An older man was pastor of my church and he didn’t have much to say to me, but he was nice and  he spoke to my parents who loved me. My older brother didn’t always like me but he did protect me...sometimes. My girl cousins loved me. It’s strange now, but in the 1950’s everything was pretty segregated. Boys played boy things with boys and girls played girl things with girls. I did not play with my boy cousins.

That was my world.

I was taught in Sunday School a song that told me that Jesus Loved me. I deduced that His Father loved me as well.

Psalm 107:1 begins with, “Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!”

AS I look back at my four year old self I realize I am a very different person today.

I know what it’s like to not be loved.

I have even been shunned…inside the church.

I know what it’s like to feel like I’m alone.

While I wouldn’t want to go back to that difficult period of time, it taught me one thing…I am never alone. Even if every person in the world hated me and refused to speak to me, I am never alone. God will never forsake me.

Remembering that frightening time makes me ever so grateful that the Lord was carrying me. I know now that there were other people who loved me and prayed for me during that time as well. In time, God sent people to me who helped me navigate ‘life’.

I had a friend at work who invited me to go to church with her. I hadn’t ‘gone church shopping’ for 30+ years because my husband was a pastor and we were called/hired to go serve at a  church. I wasn’t sure it would be okay to go by myself but it was a very large church so I reasoned that I could hide there.

At that large church rich I started going to a healing prayer service weekly so people would pray for my healing. I learned that I’m not good at hiding and it didn’t take long for me to step into leadership roles. God opened the door for me to be Director of that service.

God’s steadfast love covered me every step of the way.

I eventually learned that I wasn’t alone at all. Others had walked the same road I was on, and I joined them on the journey to recovery.

I joined the hospital visitation team and visited others who needed prayer.

I was so very thankful that the Lord was good and opened doors for me to do ministry again. It was the only life I had known and I realized God wasn’t ‘done’ with me yet.

God’s steadfast love endures forever!

One Spring I was invited to attend a Leadership Retreat at my church. I don’t remember the exact exercise but one point we were asked what God had for us and we were invited to speak about it publicly. For me, that was a defining moment. I knew God was redefining my call to ministry. Until my divorce I had always been the Pastor’s wife. Now God was calling me to ministry.

God called me to go to Seminary. That was a huge step for me. I had a B.A. in Communication (Speech) but I’d never thought about going to Seminary. I couldn’t see how it could work out. It took months for the God to reveal the details but with lightening speed, doors opened. Even though I was afraid and I argued about how it could work, one by one God eliminated the problems. Finally, my application was accepted within 24 hours and my journey began.

I was very nervous but  WAS a glorious wonderful journey! I worked full-time, lead a ministry, and drove to St. Paul, MN twice a year for nearly seven years. I started in 2007 and I completed the 144 hour program in 2013. God opened every door. God made it possible. God made it happen.

Psalm 107:43 tells us, “Whoever is wise, let him attend to these things; let them consider the steadfast love of the Lord.”

Through my unbelief I learned first hand about God’s steadfast love.

Even though I couldn’t see how God (even God) could make a new life for me…just little me, that’s exactly what God did.

I couldn’t see how it could be possible. How could it all work out? But in Matthew 19:26, “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Through love, all things are possible.

For years I’ve sang, Love Lifted Me which was written in 1912 by James Rowe. The chorus is especially meaningful to me: “Love lifted me! Love lifted me! When nothing else could help, Love lifted me. Love lifted me! Love lifted me!When nothing else could help…Love lifted me.”

Just when I didn’t think God could give my life meaning and purpose again, God’s Love reached down and jettisoned me upward and onward! His Love Lifted Me!

Spiritual Practice: Your Struggle

Give your struggle to God and let Him carry YOU upward and onward!

In God, Deborah

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